Recently, I watched a documentary called ‘Shape’ which explored reactions and opinions of gay men on the current trend of male body obsession. For all of us in many areas of our lives, from social media and movies to the local pub and club scene, you know what I’m talking about.
As a gay man with an Instagram feed full of muscle eye candy, I never really thought about it. My feed showed the usual pecs and six-pack abs, all posing with their arms held to show off biceps, drawing attention to the nether regions, either fully naked or in tight briefs, boxers, gym gear, or just a towel.
For some time now, I’ve expressed to friends my concerns about this over-emphasis on the muscled body image and the negative impact on young guys, especially those going through puberty, or coming out of it. This makes my unintentional obsession with muscle boys a bit contradictory!
Body Dysmorphia Disorder (BDD) was something we used to associate with schoolgirls and women, along with anorexia and bulimia, exclusion and bullying. Today, BDD has crossed the gender divide affecting gay men where body image can be seen to determine your desirability, and sexual attractiveness.
The dating apps are rife with terms such as “no fats or fems”, “no Asians”, “no guys over (whatever age group)” along with specifying age groups. One guy on the documentary said it made him feel ashamed. One in four persons with BDD will commit suicide…a sobering statistic.
As gay, HIV+ men, many of us live with the ravages to our bodies from HIV and AIDS. Many of us have endured lipoatrophy and lipodystrophy as a result of lifesaving drug routines. Even with newer treatment options, many of us are still seeing weight gains giving many of us (like me) bellies, and dad bods.
The documentary gave me a real kick up the behind. I intentionally went back to my muscle guy dominated feed and unfollowed the muscle guys, in particular those with a “K” after their followers count. I ignored the algorithms’ suggestions, and searched out guys who hid in the Instagram shadows, showing bodies that were dressed, or proudly Bears, or had dad bods, or just ordinary everyday bods.
Even older guys displaying their sags and wrinkles, espousing the doctrine of body positivity, and unashamedly flaunting their bodies as a way of gaining control, and empowering themselves, in a world dominated by the male body beautiful.
In return, more guys are visiting my profile, and liking my fairly mundane everyday life posts. When I flick through my feed now, I see the everyday bodies of everyday guys.
And you know what? It feels really good!
TIM ALDERMAN
Published in Talkabout #212 March 2025
