Positive Life NSW

It was early 1981, shortly before his 30th birthday that Peter de Ruyter first became acutely ill with the ‘mother of all flus’. It was also the time he was finalising his herbal studies under the tutelage of the renowned Master Herbalist Denis Stewart and preparing to start his own practice as an herbalist/naturopath.

It took a while for that flu to settle down, leaving him with a lingering sense of ‘never-well-since’ feeling for many months, dragging into the following years. The mystery was finally solved in 1984 when the HIV/AIDS test first became available, and he tested positive.

In some ways, he was relieved to finally understand why he had been experiencing these fluctuating bouts of unwellness. On the other hand, the news of being infected with a dreaded virus, which was then killing gay men by the millions world-wide was a huge blow to someone starting out in a new career. A career which required much work, was stressful and required focus and tenacity to make his practice not just survive, but prosper.

With so many of his friends and acquaintances dying, one of the options was to simply live for the moment and forget about putting in the required effort to make a success of his chosen career. After all, the sentiment permeating the thinking of this early era of the AIDS epidemic was that you had a relatively small chance of being alive in 2–5 years, let alone 10 or more.

So, why plan for the future or work your guts out now for a career that would take many years to finally mature into success? Might it not be wiser to simply enjoy the time left by living more for what could be achieved in the moment?

However, being a natural therapist gave Peter an incredible advantage. Even though he didn’t have an exact label for his health issue in those early, pre-diagnosis days, his naturopathic background allowed him to explore some basic, alternative concepts to healing. The aim in any naturopathic approach to symptoms is not just to focus on them alone, but also to concentrate on maintaining the overall body in as healthy a state as possible.

Having a purpose produces an incredible incentive to keep striving, despite what may be happening in your life

In other words, naturopathic theory helped instigate a proactive, health-maximising approach, rather than the more passive tactic of simply dealing with each set of symptoms as they arose. Ironically, many of Peter’s gay clients were also presenting with a similar range of health issues during those early days of practice, when so little was known about HIV.

Over time, this approach allowed him to come up with many useful and productive treatment strategies, which he had already tested out on himself. As Peter often said, ‘I need to be “guinea pig number 1”, and if I can get good results with these weird and wonderful symptoms, then this also provides a compelling basis from which to help those clients presenting with similar health matters.’

In this way, Peter’s own health issues became a powerful ‘study course’ through which to learn a range of useful and successful treatment strategies, something that was particularly relevant in the mid-80s, before the era of HAART.

Aside from learning to hone his skills in managing his own health status as well as facilitating reasonable to good, long-term wellness in many hundreds of people with HIV/AIDS, this also allowed him to live with a deep sense of purpose. And having a purpose produces an incredible incentive to keep striving, despite what may be happening in your life. Peter found a sense of meaning in a life which, in the early days of the HIV epidemic, had been stigmatised by medicine and society with deep implications of doom and gloom.

Although Peter managed to keep himself and many others well during his 27 years of practice, his health went into a serious decline two and half years ago, allowing no other option but to stop work altogether. Now, a whole range of life-issues he had seen in many of his clients came to haunt him, such as quite some loss of independence; simply feeling so ill and weak that he could but hope for a swift release from it all!

Within any chronic health issue there inevitably comes a point in that journey where all the previous things which gave a sense of purpose, of identity, of satisfaction, of security can suddenly be ripped away, leaving you feeling exposed and vulnerable. Peter began to ask, ‘Who am I now without my role as therapist?’, ‘How do I retain my sense of autonomy, and not become a burden to family and friends?’ And then there was the inevitable fact of having to stare into the mirror of his own looming mortality.

The latter is particularly challenging, as talking about death is a rather taboo topic in our culture, causing countless people to squirm and head for the hills! That inability by many to be present to this essential discussion can in itself be intensely isolating, only aggravating the issues around your sense of mortality.

However, creating a project – finding something that is really stimulating and interesting – can be crucial in helping get through times and challenges that may otherwise seem insurmountable. To that end, Peter chose to focus on a book he had already brought to its first draft just prior to his health collapse. It now needed lots of editing and, as he slowly started to pick up again, he focused on maintaining, as much as possible, a daily regime of doing at least some work on the draft.

Having this focus was in itself an immensely powerful force for healing. As it turned out, his book was about an exploration of the human condition and experience, trying to make sense out of the many idiosyncrasies of life; how to feel empowered when life presents you with situations which seem so overwhelming. In a way, choosing to finalise the writing of his book, and recently getting it printed, in itself became a therapy almost more powerful than the medical and natural pills he was swallowing, as he thereby learned to ‘walk the talk’ of what he was discussing and exploring in his book.

After two and half years of ‘retirement’ from consulting; after further learning a lot more about life through this latest period of illness, and since his health has started to pick up again, Peter has decided to once more go back to some part-time consulting.

Now, 29 years since first starting his practice as a herbalist, and concurrently starting his journey with HIV and other health issues, he looks back and feels glad that he decided to go for the long-term goals after all. Indeed, Peter is grateful for having had a career that in itself gave a purpose through which to keep fighting to stay alive and well.

It’s actually been his various health challenges that have given him his most potent lessons as a clinician, allowing a depth of empathy with his clients, which may not have been possible if life hadn’t in some sense forced him to walk the same journey as those clients.

So, one of the things Peter has found to be invaluable throughout all these years of dealing with a chronic series of health challenges is to find a purpose to your life and use such ‘challenges’ as opportunities for inner growth.

The main thing is to find a life purpose that also provides a lot of satisfaction in your day-to-day existence, be that through work, though maintaining a nurturing circle of friends, through a wide range of interesting and inspiring hobbies, through a spiritual perspective on life or whatever empowers you on this interesting, exasperating, exciting and inevitably challenging journey of life.

Peter is available for naturopathy consulting sessions on Thursdays by appointment only. To make an appointment, call his booking service, Monday–Friday, 8.30–17.30. Tel: 02 9347 2414

His new book, Lifenotes – a user’s guide to making sense of life on planet earth, is available online at www.bookstore.bookpod.com.au