Positive Life NSW

Greg Page fastens his seatbelt on the roller coaster of love for another wild, crazy ride that even heartbreak, hot guys and HIV can’t make him stay away from.

For Bette Midler it was a rose, for Donna Summer it was a healer and for Lady Gaga it was just a game. Yes, we’re talking about that ole devil called love again.

Love in the age of the internet, mobile phones and Avatar is a complicated thing, as we all know. Still, it can be found and it can be real and I’m here to state the case for it. You have been warned.

Six months ago I was heartbroken. I travelled overseas to visit my boyfriend of five months. We’d chatted online for a while before he landed in Sydney for a month’s stay, which he eventually extended to three months. We clicked instantly and I figure if you buy an anal douche together on your first date, then the signs are you’re pretty much going to shack up fairly soon.

We dated tentatively for the first few weeks, but it wasn’t until the night of Mardi Gras, when we suddenly locked eyes on each other after having gone separately to the party, that we realised we were in lurrrve!

It was good too. We did some travelling together – we hit Byron Bay and beyond for a week or so – and found that we were even compatible travelling, which is usually the true test of a relationship. I know plenty of couples who have not survived the dreaded ‘car-gument’.

We went to art house movies together, we shopped for cheap T-shirts together at Cotton On and could even wear each other’s clothes because we were the same size (another benefit of gay coupledom!). We ate way too much chocolate at Max Brenner, as you do when you are in that icky, gooey state known as love.

Then his mother got sick and he had to leave the country immediately to be with her. We planned for me to go to see him as soon as I could.

I managed to work out with my boss to get two weeks off, as special leave, so I could head over to be with my boyfriend. I wanted to see if there was a future for us, either in the country where he lived or back in Australia where he was thinking of moving.

Unfortunately, when I got there, I realised after a day or two that something was wrong. It got worse and worse between us until I finally discovered the reason, purely by accident, on his computer.

I found a series of photos of him and a young handsome guy, frolicking merrily about on a nude beach, dated just a week prior to my arrival. I confronted him about this and when he said he didn’t know if he loved me, I took that to mean that he didn’t.

I also knew that he’d had issues with my HIV status from the word go, but I’d never realised that it was such a big issue for him. He hated condoms and hated having to use them. For him to be able to bareback his partner was such a big thing that he was willing to give me up for someone who was HIV-. This was something that I couldn’t change, even if I could only just barely understand the logic, so I just had to accept it and swallow hard.

I also had my own personal hard and fast rule that I can only be in love with someone who is in love with me. So I broke it off and moved out of his place. I went to stay with a mutual friend for the rest of my holiday.

Because I have learned from previous mistakes and bad break-ups, we patched up the friendship after a few days. It would have been silly not to as we got on too well together. I even got to meet the secret boyfriend.

I figured that life is too short to hold on to bitterness, hurt and anger. As with many other things, life goes on down its own path, despite the best laid plans you have. I have survived cancer and survived being diagnosed with AIDS, so I knew there were worse things than a broken heart.

I came back to Australia and felt like I needed to make some changes in my life. I moved out of the beach apartment where I was living and into a new inner city house that I shared with two other people. I started to get serious about my gym regime.

I told myself that I was going to go out and meet new people and just enjoy life. I didn’t need to fall in love, but just be friends with people and be friendly. Maybe I would have some hot sex on the side and get the love that I need from my friends and family.

Well, that was the plan anyway. Sometimes love has a sneaky way of creeping up on you when you least expect it.

I had long planned an overseas trip of four weeks over summer to spend some quality time with myself, meet new people and just travel and experience things.

Two weeks before I left, I happened to be on gay dating site, and a cute guy sent me a message. He was free right then. Well, he looked very cute, but I had a birthday dinner on that night. I told him I could meet him after work. So he met me at a park and seemed nice and we went to my place where we had sex. As you do. But there was something more to this guy.

I surprised even myself by telling him I’d like to see him after the birthday dinner and if he would like to stay over at my place I’d like that. He said he’d like that too. So that’s what he did. Then he slept over the next night and the next night. In fact he slept over pretty much every night.

I think I knew it was love not because we had great sex (which we did) or had great conversations (which we also did), but from the way we slept so well together.

I’m someone who adores wrapping myself around the other person in my bed like a cocoon, not wanting to let them go and with hands and feet and everything else interlocking at various times during the small hours. The cute boy was pretty much the same and we just interlocked and plugged in, as if I were pre-programmed to be the AC to his DC.

Now as I write this I am but a few days away from ending my long trip and I can’t wait to get home and be with him. We used the “L” word about a week before I left and it felt right and proper to do so.

We Skyped while I was abroad and we also said “I love you”. That too didn’t feel silly or tacky, but felt, well, perfect. The other great thing is that he has no issue with my HIV status, has no problem with us using condoms and is taking an active interest in my health, my meds and what my doctor tells me. Now, that’s what I call love!

I know some people say that nothing is forever, and maybe they’re right too, but love is such a wonderful, strong and satisfying emotion that even if it doesn’t last forever, there’s certainly no harm to keep trying to make it do so. My last long term relationship was 14 years, so I figure I have a pretty good track record already. So don’t wish me luck … wish me love! I’d do the same for you.