Positive Life NSW

Mizy shares her story of how living with HIV transformed her life and made her reflect on what it means to be a Muslim woman.

I have been living with HIV for 11 years now and I am feeling great, living the life that I wanted. Yes, if I were to change a few things in my life, I would in an instant, but I can’t and I have learned how to live with it.

As a young Muslim girl in Africa, I was forcibly circumcised with a category 3 circumcision at age six. This was carried out on three other girls in the back yard. Lining up together, we waited our turn while several adults restrained us on the ground carrying out the procedure with the same razor blade. This is still current custom in many parts of Africa, particularly in those countries with a strong Islamic faith, which kept me in ignorance.

I had an arranged married at the age of 12 and bore a son at the age of 13. I had four children with my first husband, who was well regarded and respected in the local community. He was a truck driver, away for many weeks at a time, and it was through him that I contracted HIV.

I came to Australia 11 years ago as a refugee and was diagnosed with HIV in the Villawood Immigration Detention Centre. I also had a serious chest infection. I was informed by my doctors that I would not have survived several more months without the intense medical intervention I received. My prognosis in Africa would not have been so good. I consider myself fortunate that fate drew me to Australia and resulted in my present good health. I am forever grateful to the new life offered to me in Australia.

As you can imagine, I was devastated with the diagnosis and could not accept the news for many years. As a Muslim woman, there is much stigma and discrimination attached to an HIV diagnosis. This community can be unforgiving, despite the circumstances in which I contracted the disease or whatever my current predicament may be. I was a practising Muslim, which demanded that I be dutiful and obey the demands and wishes of my husband and father; putting my needs, hopes and dreams secondary to theirs. Living in Australia, I realise I can live my own dreams and work towards the ambitions and goals that are important to me.

So what went wrong here? Or what did I do wrong to deserve this? All these things went through my head. I could not get the answers. I blamed myself for being a bad girl, a lousy wife or a bad Muslim. I felt responsible for what was happening in my life; my faith told me that I was being punished by God for not obeying his orders. I knew there were many challenges ahead of me, but how would I deal with this diagnosis? At this time, I knew how I got infected but who would believe me and how would my family react to me? These were some of the questions running through my mind.

Even as a little girl, I often questioned my religion and culture, which dominated my life. I sensed that the ideas and rules which were intended to be obeyed unquestioningly where somehow not right for me. Questions I raised with important adults around me were met with derision and ridicule and were interpreted to be blasphemous. I often got in trouble with my parents and punished for things I said or questions I asked.

Years went by, many things happened, marriage, children, family, community and diagnosis. I had to process my thoughts through the many feelings I faced and then have the courage to find the answers on my own. Finally, with no family support except the love I drew from my children and the strong love I have for my mother, I was motivated to keep going and I chose to stay alive. I realised that it isn’t my fault or anyone else’s. If a finger needs to be pointed, I blame my culture and religion. These realisations gave me a completely different perspective.

Being HIV positive gave me the ability to see my religion and culture from a different perspective, enabling me to cross boundaries which I may not have done otherwise. Sometimes I even think that HIV was a blessing for me, because I stepped out of the confines of the life I had and began to see the beauty of life around me.

I realised that my religion and culture hadn’t served me well and wouldn’t do so. Needless to say I have turned my back on this paternalistic faith that I believe is denigrating and harmful to women.

As a woman, I believe I was meant to live my life free and not forced to adhere to strict rules handed down by men. In my country, this meant I was forced to consummate my marriage at age 12, which is considered paedophilia in many countries. I was meant to be here. I can make my own decisions and can choose who I want to live with and share the rest of my life with.

This journey took me to support groups such as Positive Heterosexuals, Positive Living Centre, ACON, BGF and African Women’s Support Group, which have all been very supportive and great organisations for people living with HIV. With their support and my great doctor, I have gained self-confidence and trust myself once again. Through the events provided by these organisations, I have met many people of all kinds and have made many friendships. Thanks to these groups.

I know that I am not alone. My conclusion is that my being here has given me a purpose.

Mizy received encouragement and support to tell her story from PozHet. Positive Life would like to thank PozHet for putting Mizy in contact with Talkabout so that we could share her story.

For information and support, please visit:
www.pozhet.org.au
www.acon.org.au
www.bgf.org.au
www.multiculturalhivhepc.net.au