Positive Life NSW

Being diagnosed as positive is a real learning curve, as Greg Page found out.

1 - Only you can make decisions about your health
Though partners, friends and family may hold some influence, ultimately it is you who is personally responsible for your own health and wellbeing. Only you can take those medications, visit the doctor and take yourself out of potentially dangerous, or threatening, situations; no one else.

2 - It’s much easier to talk about being positive to positive people
As much as I hate to admit it, when it comes to the positive part of my life – by that I mean by sero status – negative people just don’t get it. I liken it often to how cancer survivors intrinsically seem to understand what other cancer patients are going through. It’s something you really can’t quite comprehend, or grasp, unless you yourself have been there. That’s not to say all poz people may be good at giving advice, but more often than not they’ll know the pitfalls to avoid, what road to take or, even, where best to seek help.

3 - Giving something back is a healthy thing to do
Both mentally and physically, I learnt that the old selfish “me me me” was not really thinking about others or about how I could help others. My journey with HIV has taught me that I can teach others about my experience and help them learn from my mistakes. That’s been a valuable lesson.

4 - You often have to make judgment calls for yourself
From my experience no one, particularly doctors, seems to know 100% what the correct way of dealing with certain matters is when it comes to HIV. The debate about whether to go on medication as soon as you seroconvert, or to wait, is but one such example. That’s why often it may be best to listen to a variety of options and opinions and then make an informed decision that you feel is best for you at that time.

5 - Life will never be the same again
Yes, you will always be positive. On that you can be, yes, positive.

6 - Getting support when you need it is crucial
Three days after I was diagnosed I visited my first support group. I cried when I had to tell my story, but it gave me the strength to face life. Seeing other positive people getting on with their lives, laughing and enjoying things like I had done only days before, impressed upon me that my life was not over, it was just a new chapter that was beginning.

7 - You can still be HIV+ and still enjoy sex
For the first six months after I was diagnosed I didn’t want to have sex. My partner at the time understood and gave me space. I didn’t even feel like masturbating. I felt as if sex had created this “positive monster”. It took meeting a group of positive men, some of them quite comfortable with being positive and still enjoying sex, to make me realize having sex was, and still is, one of the most pleasurable things to do in life. Yes, it now comes with a whole new set of rules and values, but I can now happily report that my sex life has never been better…and busier!

8 - I can still be a valuable part of the workforce, but not get too stressed
Being a full-time office worker meant I could not take time off after my diagnosis to explore other options, or to have some quality reflection time. There were bills to pay, mortgage down payments due and what about the cost of a Mardi Gras ticket - phew! In a way, having “the daily grind” helped remind me life goes on and since I love what I do during the working week, I shouldn’t need to stop. I’m fit, interested in my job and good at it. True, I have now added “masseur” as a side skill to my CV that I never thought I would – through a course offered at the PLC – but that’s just an added benefit. As my many guinea pig friends who I have practised on can attest to!

9 - Gay life is not just about partying hard
Sure, I love throwing my hands in the air like I just don’t care under a huge spinning mirrorball as much as the next gay man, but I’ve also realized I do have limits. Whereas previously I might have done a couple of parties in a weekend, broken up with plenty of hot sex encounters, now I’m content to do one and not go overboard. With the partying, that is. I try and pace myself. It’s not just me getting older (and wiser?), but also me understanding my body needs to be looked after now and treated much better than it was. I have to say that having varied my interests into other things that I always meant to do (massage, writing and spending time with my young godson) has really added so much more to my life. Taking away some of the parties has not been a big detraction, but instead made me enjoy those times when I do want to go a little bit currazy even more.

10 - It really reminded me that life is too short
True, HIV is not the death sentence that it used to be, but it is a constant reminder that we only have a certain amount of time on this earth. A friend of mine put it this way – every day is another day above ground. I’m making that my mantra. Being HIV+ was a curveball that I never expected, but now that I’m living with it, I’m learning that every day counts and with every breath I’m still breathing. Now that’s a true life lesson.