Tom and his boyfriend Greg have been together for fifteen years. Tom is HIV negative, and Greg is positive. We asked Tom about his experience of testing.

How frequently do you test for HIV?

Since the beginning of our relationship, I’ve tested about half a dozen times. That would be an average of about once every two years.

Why would you test?

We both decided to have a test together for HIV after our first year or so. Even though we’d always had safe sex, I was sure my result would be positive, just because we suspected there was a good chance Greg was positive. Obviously I was a pessimist, because while Greg’s result did in fact come back positive, mine was negative.

After Greg’s diagnosis, apart from worrying about him and how he was coping, I still had niggling worries about getting HIV myself. For example, one night I squeezed one of his pimples. When it hit me in the eye, I couldn’t stop worrying that our little grooming ritual might have given me HIV. I was able to relieve fears like that when about a year after that first test, I had another one, and it also came back negative. Since then, I’ve had an HIV test once every couple of years,* basically because the doctor suggested it would be a sensible thing to do. Usually it’s when I happen to be at the doctor’s anyway for some other reason.

I think if we actually did something risky, and had unprotected sex, I would get tested and access PEP. But so far that hasn’t happened.

What is it like waiting for the results?

The first couple of times were very stressful, especially the first time. But after that, it hasn’t worried me much at all and I just consider it a routine check. Safe sex, using condoms, obviously does work. Greg also takes HIV treatments and his viral load is undetectable, and that gives us an added sense of security, if we needed one.

* Some people test more frequently (every 3, 6 and 12 months) depending on their circumstances. For example, guys in an open relationship and having more sex would need to test more regularly or you might have a slip-up.