David and JimGreg Page gives us the lowdown

1. Grooming - up top and downn under

Remember grandma’s rule of thumb – cleanliness is next to godliness? The sweet old dear knew what she was rambling on about before Alzheimer’s struck. If you’re planning on puckering up to a potential BF, or going further on the first date, as the case may well be, double-check everything from top to bottom (and we do mean bottom!) has been suitably soaped, lathered and is smelling as fresh as a daisy…and not as a daisy chain!

2. Lower your expectations

Tonight’s the night, loverboy, like the switch from B&W to color TV. Well, maybe. It’s good to have a little perspective and not frighten off potential suitors too early by scheduling commitment ceremonies in matching pink lycra suits with a leather daddy to give you away after the first five minutes. Plan on enjoying a nice night and you may be pleasantly surprised. If it doesn’t work out, hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?!

3. Pack some (light) essentials

In the kingdom (or should that be queendom?) of gay there’s always the chance a hot date will lead to some hot bedsqueaking. In case this occurs, be prepared. If you’re on meds, pack an overnight supply, and one or more of those free plastic sachets of condom and lube handed out at various events or at ACON. And don’t forget your lip balm – there’s nothing worse than rubbing up against someone’s kissers with a nasty case of dry rot.

4. Phone a friend ... before you lock it in!

As we all know, there are some sinister types out there. We’ve all read about the evil drink spikers, thieves, bashers, etc, on the scene prowling for victims who they then leave abandoned and comatose in parks. Make sure you’re not one of them. Inform a friend of your planned whereabouts and make sure if you do get into trouble you have the number of someone trusted to call in an emergency. It’s always better to be safe than a statistic.

5. Don't overstress ... or overbling, or overdo

Before leaving the house, check if your appearance says: “I’m a hornbag and I can’t take it anymore!” Check the mirror to ensure your outfit shows off your best assets, there’s no unsightly nose hair dangling precariously out of your nostrils and bling is kept to a minimum (cockrings included). Also check for bad breath from last night’s curry, don’t overproduct your hair and keep fragrances to a bare minimum, unless you are a bear.

6. Find common ground

Everything got off to a good start when butterflies fluttered in your stomach (and lower down) the moment you set eyes on his face/lunch/wallet and he said how edible you look. You’re glowing and it’s not just your fake tan either. Now’s not the time to put a foot (or other appendage) wrong. Chat about “safe” topics – entertainment, the news, recent events you attended and not go the big “wait till you meet my family!” bang right away.

7. My, my, what a big smile you have!

Here’s another wise old saying grandma used to swear by – flattery will get you everywhere. Bestowing upon your date a compliment, be it on their appearance, clothes, tongue kissing techniques, is a great way to get you in their good books (if not in between their good sheets later on). Remember not to “overegg the pudding”, just one or two coy remarks to show him you’re interested, appreciative and, yes, horny as all get out.

8. If it's not so hot, then say it's not

Some things weren’t meant to be – John Howard as Prime Minister, Madonna making a hip-hop album and hot pink g-strings at North Bondi. If the hot date has turned tepid or icy, be truthful(ish) about it. Tell him he’s a great guy, you’ve had a nice time and will stay in touch. Remember – the gay world is truly a village and you’re more than likely to bump into each other again, sooner than later, so don’t burn your bridges…or britches.

9. The moment of "+" truth

It's all going swimmingly. He’s gorgeous, appears to be hanging on your every word and keeps helping you build tents in your pants every time he brushes up against you. Now you’re wondering when to tell him you’re poz. Truthfully, there’s never really a right time, but for honesty’s sake, it’s better to be upfront. If he walks away, at least you know early on he wasn’t worth the effort. If he stays, chances are you’re onto a winner!

10. If it's hot, then burn, baby, burn

Love is in the air and the world seems a better place with a smile on its face, but don’t forget three practical considerations. You may be planning to set up house’n’dog already, but be aware of the ramifications, legal and otherwise. Have an escape clause if things curdle quickly (he may turn out to be a pumpkin, post-12am). Then consider if you’re prepared to share life’s good and bad times with him. If you are… happy hot coupling!