Roger & James
Roger Edmonds
Talkabout last heard from Roger in 2005. As well as HIV, he was diagnosed with hepatitis B and D and was eventually told in 2003 he had end stage liver disease with only months to live. However his liver function tests and his health started to improve and he was eventually able to return to work. He said at the time: “There’s a reason I survived but I don’t know what it is. I’m yet to work that one out.” Talkabout caught up with him three and a half years later to find out what’s happened since then.
I was really lost and confused, expecting to die and then wondering why I didn’t. That slowly changed, but I thought things were as good as they were going to get.
Gradually increasing my working hours as a nurse at a private methadone clinic made me think I was ready for full-time work. Soon after this I did get a full-time job at Long Bay Gaol, which was very interesting but very stressful. I managed to stick it out for five months. At my next job I case managed people with drug problems, and often mental health problems, and I really enjoyed this work. I was able to build up a lot of confidence that I had lost when I was sick, and I felt better than I’d felt for fifteen years.
Then I met James, funnily enough through Gaydar. It does happen. We slowly fell in love over a year. James has three children from a previous marriage. The youngest is 17. Two of his children were still teenagers when we got together. They’re great kids and are a very big part of his life, so subsequently they became a very big part of my life.
He eventually moved in with me. Then in June last year, we moved into our own place together rather than just living in mine. It was then we made the decision to take the next step and get married. Around the time there was a lot of discussion about same sex relationships and marriage for gay and lesbian people. Canada had made changes to their laws and some states in the US had as well. But because we’re both HIV positive the US wasn’t an option.
We got married in New Zealand on November 1st last year. It was also my fiftieth birthday, and was, without a doubt, the happiest day of my life. Twenty people came over for it, and we had the blessings of both our families. Just about everybody we invited came and the place where we had the ceremony and reception was beautiful.
When we came back to Sydney, it was just before the Council elections and someone came canvassing for Clover Moore. I looked on her website and she has a big section on gay and lesbian issues. The website also mentioned you could go to the Town Hall and have a Relationship Declaration ceremony. Without really expecting a reply, I emailed Clover and asked her to officiate, and she said yes. We had our Relationship Declaration Ceremony on November 20th.
While I was in New Zealand I decided it was time for another change in work. Now I’ve got two part-time jobs. One of them is at a private hospital in Darling Point two days a week. It’s for people from country New South Wales who have been diagnosed with cancer and need to have treatment in Sydney. Because I’ve been through a lot of serious health problems myself, I feel that I can understand what people are going through. My dog Nelson has done his Pets-as-Therapy training course, and he comes to the hospital with me as a therapy dog.
The other three days a week I’m the Detox Services Coordinator for two Detox Units in Surry Hills. When I got that job, which was well paid, I decided to sponsor a little boy in Africa whose parents had died from AIDS. I’d actually just bought a big flat screen TV and it made me think I had to balance the equation a bit.
I’ve been able to develop a more “normal” relationship with my family, rather than being the sick or dying family member. I’ve also reestablished a social life which disappeared when I was sick. Why did I get better? Why is life so full and busy? Maybe it’s because I can realise my full potential and help other people.