Positive Life NSW

Mia

HIV positive for more than 14 years, Mia Dawson knows that as a heterosexual woman she doesn't fit the stereotype. "Usually," she says, "People think an HIV-positive woman is either a drug user or a sex worker."

Mia is neither. Now in her late 40s, she is taking a break from a corporate career to write a doctoral thesis. She became infected with the virus from the man who was to become her husband. "We practiced safe sex but had a number of accidents at which point we both said, rather prophetically, 'if it happens, it happens'. It was not as though we were not aware of HIV, but I don't think we honestly believed at the time that this would result in an HIV infection." But it did and Mia says she took the diagnosis "stoically".

At the time of diagnosis, she decided then and there it would not interfere with her getting on with her life. "I haven't let it set me back or use it as an excuse for not doing things. I would hate to be known as a victim. I wouldn't give myself that label. I think it is dangerous. I am a great believer in treating the illness holistically and being positive about things. This goes a long way towards helping me to manage."

Sadly, as she was adopting coping strategies 14 years ago, her then husband went the other way. Their marriage ended. Mia says, "It did not end because of HIV specifically, but because my husband essentially gave up on life and not only was I not prepared to stop living mine, I had and still have a lot of things I want to do and goals to accomplish. Having said that, I occasionally struggle to resist the idea of my having a 'spoiled' identity."

But for all her refusal to let HIV rule her life, Mia remains reluctant to let more than a close circle of friends know of her status. "There is still stigma and discrimination in society," she says. "I don't use my name. I am still concerned and not convinced that society has embraced it the same way it would embrace a diagnosis of say cancer or diabetes."

When she had problems with the family of her partner, who were terrified of having her near them, her stand was reinforced. "It showed their incredible ignorance and discrimination, and made me realise it is not acceptable to talk about being HIV positive. I think it comes down to sexual mores and that people think somehow it is your fault."

Mia's answer to anyone who may think of it as 'her fault' is to ask the question 'How many times have you had unprotected sex?'. "It may only take one contact to contract the virus," she says. Which brings her to her next concern; the rising complacency about HIV in the heterosexual community. She says the STI statistics for young women is evidence that they were not thinking about safe sex. "It is not on their radar."

It is an issue for young women and also for women just out of a relationships or recently widowed. “Because most women still think of HIV as disease for gay men, intravenous drug users or sex workers they don't take precautions. There is a need to educate women of all ages about the dangers."

For Mia, managing her HIV is now comparable to that of a person with diabetes. "It is not a life sentence or terminal anymore. It is a manageable chronic illness."

Mia keeps her status to herself generally because she is certain it would effect her chances of employment if it was generally known. But personal relationships are different. When she met her present partner she revealed her status after just a short time.

"I mentioned it when I thought the relationship could go further. I wanted to be honest and up front. I realise now that my partner's acceptance of my status was very important. There is a perception that you are not going to meet anybody and that nobody would be interested in you. I suppose I was almost relieved that there was acceptance. It was reassuring."

Her HIV status does prevent her from travelling to many countries and may affect her future employment prospects.

"It makes you feel like an alien again it is sad but this is where stigma and discrimination exist and governments have to take a more informed attitude to these things."

But she is adamant she would not declare her HIV status unless it was a matter of security. "I don't see any necessity to declare my status I don't pose a risk or a thereat to people It is not necessary for me to divulge it. Managing the illness has never affected the way I work. I have been one of the lucky ones. I have only ever taken one sort of medication and not had the side effects others have had. I am like a person with diabetes or someone with a heart condition. But employers are happier to manage someone with diabetes than someone with HIV because of stigma and ignorance."

Here Mia hits the dilemma. She knows that a more public face of HIV with positive people putting their names to a campaign would help. But she knows it could seriously affect her professional life. She talks to healthcare providers but draws the line at going totally public.

"I suspect the visibility thing is what is needed - people want to see faces and see that the people are no different to them. But there is only so much one can do."