Relationships cover a lot of things, like affection, intimacy, having somebody to care about and somebody who cares about you. Intimacy and sexuality are important expressions of who we are and how we express ourselves. For Gregory, this changed over time, and some flexibility was needed to be able to negotiate and adapt to each change.

Gregory: A lot of positive people who get to my age are looking for a degree of intimacy and affection in their lives, and it’s not necessarily just sex. It’s about intimacy and closeness - touching and being touched. It’s missing from a lot of people’s lives. And with HIV, it makes it more poignant and more difficult. When you are positive it’s even more difficult to find affection and love as you get older.

Disclosure, negotiating sex and safe sex are challenges for people with HIV.  For most people, telling people about our status (who, when, how and why to tell) can be the biggest issues we face.

Our confidence changes, our knowledge and relationships develop, and so our attitudes to disclosure may change and develop. 

John: I am in a relationship at the moment and my partner now knows about my HIV status. That was an explosive hit to him one day a few months ago. I’d say definitely my HIV status has affected my ability to commence relationships. In the past, I’ve probably limited the number of possible partners because of disclosure. Now the hurdle gets easier and easier to jump over, as I get older. I’m less worried about somebody else’s reaction. It is very privileged information and a lot of people don’t disclose all their health matters to people just for the hell of it. I squarely fall into that category of person. Somebody only needs to know your HIV status if you’re going to have sex with them.

Disclosure can, in some circumstances, be beneficial, serving as a way of accessing support, of minimising depression and isolation, of improving physical health, and regaining a sense of control over our lives. Deciding how and when to tell someone you are HIV positive is a personal and sometimes difficult decision. Talking to a counsellor or a peer on how to approach disclosure can be helpful.

• Disclosure in some situations can mean you access support and break down isolation.
• Intimacy covers a lot of things and not just sex. It’s about having somebody to care about and somebody who cares about you.
• By nurturing your friendship networks you can build more strength and resilience to face the challenges that come in life.