Tim – here I stand

Towards the end of last year I hit this point where I stopped taking my medication. I spoke to the doctor about it and the message was “you just have to take them”. It became a bit of a crisis for me because I stopped seeing him because I wasn’t taking the medication. I had lost a total connection to the need to take it and I knew what the outcomes would be.

Shared experience helps to normalise it.

I spoke to someone else about it and he said that’s burn-out. When I heard the idea of burn-out and that other people have experienced it, it took a big weight off my shoulders. To know that this was a shared experience helped to normalise it.

I was over-burdened with HIV on the one hand. Then making peaceful agreement with it on the other, and what it asks of you in order to make the most of your future – in my case, keep taking the treatments.

Music and singing improve my quality of life.

I’ve acknowledged the challenges HIV brings, through creativity – writing and music. When I look at it and I can see it reflects the honesty of my experience, I feel lighter. So, it’s not that I’ve got rid of the challenges, but I’ve looked at them and I’ve placed them somewhere. Music and singing improve my quality of life. It’s the validity of what I do.

"Here I stand, Facing Forwards, Getting on
with it … again."There are a lot of messages out there that aren’t ours – messages about wealth, success, employment and how you should be living on a daily level. Because I’m not working full-time, I took on some shame and it took me away from conversations with people because I was isolating myself.

Find people you blossom around; visit the places that make you grow.

I realised personal responsibility for the future is yours. Find people you blossom around; visit the places that make you grow. You have to look for it, and depression can put up a big resistance. Listen to yourself. I was judging myself or assessing myself on factors like how much money I have or how much work I do. Don’t look at what you can’t do, look at what you can do.

• Look at what you can do.