James died in November 2008. We have decided to leave his story on this page because he talked a number of times about how proud he was of his involvement in this campaign. We extend our condolences to his family and friends for such a sad loss.

James – Sex, relationships and me

"I have been single now for about eight years and have matured along the way."I have been single now for about eight years and have matured along the way. Would I consider a stable relationship with someone now? You bet!

I would love to have a healthy relationship with another guy. By healthy, I mean one that is rewarding to both of us, where we learn new things together and share our experiences. And it doesn’t matter if they are positive or negative. Most of my relationships have actually been with negative guys in the past.

I always disclose my HIV. I don’t find disclosure difficult. I mean I have had some shocking experiences telling people I’m positive. I remember once cooking a meal for a guy and I disclosed my status when he came over to my place. This was the second date: we’d had a drink somewhere and I thought right I’m going to tell him. I told him and I said: “Are you okay with this?” He said: “Oh yeah, that’s fine”. He then said: “Can I use your bathroom?” I put the food out on the table and was waiting: he was taking a while so I knocked on the bathroom door. He’d gone. He’d slipped out the front door. I think discrimination among gay men is worse now than it was then.

Decisions can change over time

I would like to be honest about safe sex and I know that there are many who condemn anyone else for not always wearing a condom. I had always been safe with other men after my HIV diagnosis up until about a year ago. Then after several men chose not to practice safer sex and it ended in no sex, I decided to make decisions on what my needs were. Because the other person was positive we came to an agreement to have unprotected sex.

I was nervous about this because I’d always understood there are different strains or resistant strains of HIV, and you could get re-infected. Apart from that I didn’t want to get STIs like syphilis. It made me think afterwards, because a year ago if you’d asked me “would you have unprotected sex?” I’d have said “never”. So, I shocked myself that I actually agreed to it. But, then I suppose it’s circumstances and situations. As, I said, disclosure and discussion with each other is a must for me.

• Whatever your experiences of disclosure may be, sharing them with other positive people can help.