Bernard: Balancing work, stress and quality of life

When I was diagnosed in 1989 I was living in the country, and I had to find my own way of surviving with HIV. This was hard and scary because everyone around me told me I was going to die, including my partner. I remember one of my doctors pulled out a book and showed me the graphs of what happens after five years, and so on. There was not a lot of information, and people had to rally together to survive.

HIV was a life changing experience: my life and living were my concern. So, I decided to throw myself into my spiritual health and seek out Buddhism, meditation and yoga. I managed my health through diet and exercise. It dawned on me that I am in control of my life. The only trust I had at the time was in my own strength and myself. It was really through the power of my mind, listening to my thoughts, and not taking on board other people’s attitudes towards me that helped me to get through.

To survive I had to make choices.

With everyone telling me I was going to die I found it really difficult to be present in the moment and to think about a future. If I let myself buy into the image of the ‘dying AIDS victim’, and accepted that as my future it would have sent me into a downhill spiral. I never succumbed to that way of thinking. There was another road opposed to what the media and society told me. To survive I had to make choices. Managing my HIV meant I had to end a long-term relationship that was dysfunctional anyway. It also helped me to realise to survive I had to have a very strong spiritual belief, so I went to India and chased gurus.

A positive diagnosis motivated me to do the things I wanted to do with my life.

My first trip to India was in 1992. The poverty and the hardship of other people’s lives challenged me to be more determined about my life. I came alive and gained an inner strength. A positive diagnosis motivated me to do the things I wanted to do with my life at the time – things that were necessary for me to do in the moment rather than in the future.

It can be hard to turn things around.

ColinI’ve struggled with the loss of finances and the loss of social skills. I took so much time and energy to look after my health, rather than seek out studies or a career. Now, I don’t have the resources most people have who kept working. It’s really hard to turn that around and go back to work and do something productive. It’s about finding what’s right for you.

I have questions about balancing work, stress and quality of life.

So, now it’s about creating new possibilities in life. I have ideas around what I want to do, but I change them. It always comes back to the issue of quality of life. Is it going to be too stressful for me to work full-time? Is it going to be too stressful for me to put all that energy into creating a new lifestyle again?

• Consider your work-life balance. Changes can be gradual. Too much change can be stressful. It can be good to take one step at a time.