Positive Life NSW

POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE - HIV IS IN OUR LIVES

Positive sex and risk: What does risk mean after a positive diagnosis? Do boundaries and attitudes to sex change? How do we think or talk about risk?

This fact sheet looks at sex and risk and offers strategies and practical tips on how they play out in the lives of positive gay men. For many, this is a considered process, which weighs the pleasures and the risks.

Risk is not only about sex, but also, the risks you might take with your health and emotional well-being. It is also about letting yourself be vulnerable.

Sex is about exploration

Being honest about our sexual needs can be an important part of maintaining our sexual and our mental health.

Dan: I’ve found that there are social boundaries put on what’s permitted in terms of talking about sex and risk. If we don’t talk about it, it’s difficult to deal with the issues.

For each of us, sexual experiences and needs change over time and so do boundaries. This may have something to do with getting older, changes in relationships, or even an HIV diagnosis, wanting to try new things or the need to emotionally connect with someone. Sexuality is also something to explore.

Derek: Sex changes every time I have it. I certainly would try more things now than ten years ago because I feel more confident in my ability to negotiate sex with my partners.

Sex can be an emotional connection and for some it might be a transitory connection. For Dan, finding someone to fulfil his emotional needs has become more important; especially now he has started HIV treatments.

Dan: Sex is something I’ve got lost in because of how high you can go with your own desire and libido. Now, I’m going into a new direction with positive sexuality and intimacy. The sex and drug to excess culture is always there, but for now, it doesn’t fulfil my emotional needs. I want to feel fulfilled as a positive guy, with another positive guy.

And sometimes sex is not always about the emotional connection. Sometimes it’s about more basic desires.